


The Disastrous Life of Suoh Kiyoshi

by ChuuniExtraordinaire



Series: The Disastrous Un-Life of Saiki K. [1]
Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types, 斉木楠雄のΨ難 | Saiki Kusuo no Sai-nan | The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.
Genre: I don´t know how he died, I just wanted to make this, Nobody knows how he died, Psychic Abilities, Reincarnated Saiki, Reincarnation, Saiki is AWESOME, Saiki is just pretty much done with everything, Saiki is now a Suoh, Saiki is still a Psychic, ¨What a pain¨
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 04:51:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16866484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChuuniExtraordinaire/pseuds/ChuuniExtraordinaire
Summary: Somehow reincarnated as Suoh Kiyoshi, Saiki Kusuo finds his place in the Host club, as the 'Tsundere Type', even though in all honesty he's more of a Kuudere. Dealing with the insanity of the host club, and his idiot brother, His fantasies of a simple, average life, well, it just won't happen.  "If only I could actually have a peaceful life... What a pain."





	The Disastrous Life of Suoh Kiyoshi

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, I just really really wanted to see how Saiki would fare in another Slice of Life... I kinda wanted to do something with ¨In my next life I hope I come back as a pretty girl.¨... Maybe next time Saiki. Maybe next time.

        My name is Suoh Kiyoshi, formally Saiki Kusuo, and surprise surprise, I'm still a psychic. If that doesn't make much sense to you, go read a few chapters of Saiki Kusuo no Psi-Nan, or watch a few episodes of The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. That will probably clear things up. Of course, if you don't care, read on... I don't really care either way. 16 years ago a not-so-ordinary boy was born to an ordinary couple, though no one is currently aware. This time anyway. Actually this is the second time this has happened. In my first life, I was also a psychic but some people knew, like my parents, grandparents, brother, some others with powers, and a childhood friend who was able to deduce due to a few mistakes I made back in elementary. Of course I went back to try and change the past to create a future where he didn't find out, but it failed. Oh yeah, I really ought to tell you all of my powers right? Well, you should just assume I have all of them. Oh, and before you start thinking 'Oh wow that's awesome!' and 'I wish I could do that' let me tell you, it's not that great. Sure I can tell what people are thinking, but imagine being bombarded with every little insignificant thought that everyone in a 200 km radius is thinking at all times. It's isn't that great. All you perverts out there are probably drooling like 'Oh nice, he gets to see all those hot chicks naked!' No. It doesn't work like that. Not at all. Sure I can see them for a few seconds, but then I start seeing their muscle systems and skeletons. It's rather creepy. It's why if you ask me if I'm a dog person or a cat person my answer is "I don't care" Of course I also get to everyone naked at some point, and I have seen things I really didn't want to know, after all you all should be aware the world isn't made up of 'hot chicks' and I get to see all the not so good looking people. How does that sound to you? Still want my powers? You really shouldn't. It's all what it's cracked up to be. But anyways, this time I made sure to act ordinary from birth. I was lucky the first time, since my parents were super laid back, and just accepted it... though it might have been because they had already had my brother. He was a super-genius with an IQ of 218. My being a psychic somehow didn't occur to them as something to important. That led to a decidedly unpeaceful life, so I decided to see how I could do as an ordinary person. Though my hair is still pink...

        Anyway my life is pretty good after all. Rather peaceful. Well it was. You see, in this life as Suoh Kiyoshi, I am an illegitimate child. Normally I wouldn't care one whit, but do to the problems it has given me, I'm honestly highly annoyed. So you see, my mother was a nice, pretty-rich French woman, and my father was a married head of a Japanese corporation/company/thing-I-wasn't-paying-attention-to. They fell in love, he divorced his wife, and they had me and my brother René/Tamaki. I'll just call him Tamaki as it's both what he is currently going by, and as a former Japanese, I prefer it. Due to our mother's sickness, we grew up in France. Eventually her family's business went under, and in a deal with our grandmother, we were shipped of to Japan to learn about the Suoh, and possibly one day inherit it. I have my doubts, but I don't even intend to try. I'll just leave that stack of issues to Tamaki. 

        Back to the point, currently we are going to Ouran Academy, seeing as how our father is the chairman, and it's the preferred rich-guy school. We transferred in during Middle School, but we are currently in High School, and as one of Tamaki's 'Marvelous' ideas, I am currently a member of the Ouran Host Club. Did I mention he's kinda an idiot? He has good intentions... most of the time, but he doesn't really think most things through. I mean honestly, I got dubbed the 'Tsundere Type' I accept I am somewhat a Tsundere, but most of my annoyance is real, not 'love based' as Tamaki says.  Also, in my humble opinion, if I have to be a dere, I'm more of a Hinedere, or Kuudere. He was even able to sucker Kyoya-kun into going along with it. Though I guess the sweets Kyoya-kun got me to show off me 'Dere' side are a suitable remuneration. I have to admit I'm glad he ordered so much coffee jelly. In all honesty, that's what I like the most about being rich, the immense amounts of coffee jelly I can get. Originally, I was worried about turning out like Saiko-san, but it seems his type is in the minority. That or I'm currently richer. One of the two.

        So that brings me to where I currently am. The first day of club activity of my second year. I hope that unlike in my first world a disaster won't occur leading to repetition of the year over and over. You should forget what I said as it doesn't have much bearing on the current story. All seven of us are currently waiting in front of the large double doors that will open up once club activities 'officially' start. We have a few fans and a bunch of rose petals ready to be blown out at the girls as the doors open. I tried to veto that idea when it came up, but I was ignored. What if someone is allergic to roses? Well, it's not really my problem. Besides the door is about to open. I've been hearing a girl complain about the noisiness of the libraries, and "This place has four libraries, you'd think one of them would be quiet." thanks to my telepathy. Though she does seem to be under the impression this is an abandoned music room. Good grief. This will probably spiral into to some weird issue. She only wants to study from what I can tell, but I'm sure my idiot of a twin will somehow misinterpret something. Or maybe not. Who knows.

        Ah... she's here. The door slowly opened, and the fans automatically started, blowing the petals in the that face of our visitor.

"Welcome!" everyone except me and Mori-senpai exclaimed. As the 'Strong and Silent Type' and 'Tsundere Type' we can get away without saying things. Funnily enough, the girl that walked in doesn't really look all that girly. If I wasn't a psychic, I'd probably think she's a guy. Oh, it seems Kyoya-kun's found out her gender. Though does it really count if he was already aware in the first place?

"A Host Club?" the girl squeaked out looking rather panicked as she tried to get the door open so she could escape.

"Wow, it's a boy." the twins deadpanned.

Wrong.

"Hikaru, Kaoru, i believe this young man is in the same class as you?" Kyoya-kun questioned.

Hmmm, it seems he's enjoying pulling one over everyone else.

"Yeah, but he doesn't talk much so we don't know much about him." They said.

Please, they just didn't care. Though it does seem likely even if the talked to her, she would probably brush them off.

"It's impolite to say it like that." 

That's pretty impolite yourself. Wait... is that a light bulb?

"Welcome to the Ouran Host Club" Kyoya-kun greeted.

Huh, it's pretty odd that he's being so nice even though there aren't any profits to be made. Maybe he just intends to wring a bit out of her? It seems like something he would do, after all he is honestly rather sadistic sometimes.

"What? Then, this exceptionally rare honor student, Fujioka Haruhi, is you?"

And there's my exceptionally loud brother, butting his way into the conversation, with all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop. Speaking of china, is that an arrow pointing to that 8-million yen vase? I mean I'll admit that wasn't the smartest idea to put it there, but Tamaki wanted something to 'brighten up the space'. Rather, am I seeing things? a light bulb and an arrow that shouldn't be there have both been pretty noticeable to me, but no one else has noticed them.

"How do you know my name?" she questioned. 

Honestly, it's a pretty good question. The fact we know her name makes us kinda sound stalker-y.

"It's just that our school tradition makes it difficult for commoners to get in. I've been told that unless you posses rather audacious nerve you cannot be a student here." 

And Kyoya-kun's subtle insulting returns... why are the words 'audacious' and 'commoner' floating over her head?

"Why... thank you..." 

That's a pretty good answer. Shows off your baffled-ness, and makes it so you don't get on Kyoya-kun's bad side.

"Yes! he's saying your a hero Fujioka-kun!" Tamaki exclaimed and invaded Fujioka-san's personal space.

I wonder how she can stand it. Oh, and she's not a hero though. And that arrow is still there. You should be careful.

"Even though you may be at the head of your class, you are still the poorest person in the whole school."

Ouch... no need to rub it in. Oh... she's scooting away. Smart.

"Maybe you lowly people are looked down on..." and he following her. Oddly gracefully too.

Aren't you looking down on her though?

"No, I wouldn't necessarily go that far."

Oh I think I like her. Tamaki needs a good verbal smack-down every time he gets carried away. Though it seems he's ignoring her.

"It doesn't matter' he said sliding in. "Long live the poor!"

Now he's just being unnecessarily dramatic.

"Welcome to our world of beauty, poor man!"

I feel as though he's just taking this a bit to far.

"Excuse me." Fujioka-san said as she walked out, though she didn't quite get that far.

"Hey! Haru-chan! Haru-chan! Haru-chan, your a hero? Amazing!"

Hani-senpai's a bit late with that though. Didn't Tamaki finish that tangent a while back? That arrow's still there. Maybe I should do something about the vase.

"I'm not a hero, just a honor student.' 

Nah, moving the vase would be too much work.

"And who are you calling 'Haru-chan'?!" she yelled.

Huh, didn't see that coming. She seems pretty collected, not at all the type to yell.

"Still, to think that such a fabled, erudite student would be gay..."

And here's the 'jumping to conclusions I predicted earlier. She's a girl you idiot. if she were gay, she'd like girls, not guys. besides, she came here to study, not be wooed by a bunch of idiots.

'Gay?' she wondered.

She must not be aware they think she's a guy.

"What's your preference?" Tamaki asked.

Why does he look so proud of himself?

"The Strong and Silent Type?" 

Where did those roses in the background come from?

"The Boy-Lolita Type?" 

Ah... Hani-senpai's stopped crying... Why does he get hearts too?

"The Little Devil Type?"

So it's the twins' turn. The kaleidoscope effect in the background is kinda cool.

"The Cool Type?'

So Kyoya-kun just gets roses like Mori-senpai?

"The Tsundere Type?"

Wait... me too? Oi wait a second, where is my background? Don't I get one of those fancy rose background things too? What a pain.

"I-it's not like that!" Fujioka-san sputtered.

Ah, denial. Though she really isn't interested in any of us.

"I was just looking for a quiet place where I could study!" she started backing up.

That's true though. Although she is getting a bit close to that vase... the arrows back too.

"Or maybe... you'd like to try me? How about it?" Ah and there goes Tamaki invading her personal space again.

Why does he get a rose background too? Well he is sharing it with Fujioka-san.

"Ack!" Fujioka-san freaked out and jumped backwards into the pedestal holding the vase that has had the arrow pointing at it all this time. Maybe I should have moved it after all.

*CRASH*

Oh wow... that just miss moment was pretty impressive. I wonder what she's going to do now? After all, she probably doesn't have the money to pay us back. Her face is pretty impressive too.

"Now you've done it commoner. That Renaissance vase was going to be put in the school auction! We were going to start the bidding at 8-million yen!" Well there go the twins.

"8-million!" Ah Fujioka-san seems pretty freaked out. I mean, it's literally behind her, at exaggerated size too.

"How many thousand yen is that? how many thousands are in a million?"

Hmm, she should have known this from middle school math. The shock must be taking it toll on her. It looks like she's trying to figure it out on her fingers.

"Um... can I pay you back?"

I sincerely doubt it.

"Could you even?"

I hate to agree with the twins, but how could you do that? I mean if I were her, there wouldn't have been a problem. I would have caught it. I mean I might have misjudged my strength and broke it that way, but I would have caught it. There are so many ways I could have gotten out of this problem, I´ve just thought up a couple hundred. I could have fixed it by turning back time on it. Actually, I could do that now, but I'm not a good person so I won't. After all, I'd have to wipe her and the Host Club's memories, and that would be a pain. I've put a lot of effort into not sticking out, and I'm not risking it for someone I've just met.

"You can't even afford the designated uniform." 

The twins are being merciless as ever.

"What is that grubby outfit anyway?"

Okay, now that's just rude. I wear stuff like that.

"What will it be Tamaki?"

Is Kyoya-kun just holding that vase shard for intimidation purposes?

"Have you ever heard this saying Fujioka-kun? 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.'"

One, we're not in Rome. Two, what's with that pose?

"If you have no money, then pay with your body!"

Okay, since she's a girl, that just sounds wrong.

"Starting today, you are the Host Clubs dog!"

Alright seriously, where are these words coming from? Though I have to agree with the "Sudden change in attitude" that's floating around. Also the dog animation is kinda cute, but I have to say I'm kinda worried about Fujioka-san.

'This is too much mom. I've been captured by a ridiculous bunch who call themselves a Host Club'

I have to agree with you Fujioka-san. they are ridiculous. Also, I hope you aren't including me in that. Oh, would you look at that? It appears the shock got to her, and she fainted. Poor girl.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

The Host Club Is Now Open For Business...

"Tamaki-kun, what's your favorite song?"

"That one tune that reminds me of you, of course."

Tamaki's in fine shape today. Now, to deal with nuisances surrounding me...

"So Kiyoshi-kun, what's your favorite song?"

I don't have one.

Also, if your curious, I don't really talk. There's no need. I can just project my thoughts into the brains of others. It's far simpler.

¨So Kiyoshi-kun, I made you a cake. Its coffee-flavored. Do you want it?"

Yes.

Ah... coffee cake. The best flavor for any sweet. Truly delectable.

"Kyaaa! Kiyoshi-kun always looks so happy when eating sweets! Look at the sparkles!"

There are no sparkles. I may enjoy eating sweets, but I deny the sparkles.

"Ahhh, Kiyoshi-kun's cake-eating face is the cutest! I just want to bring some every day to see that face. Why must he only show that expression when eating sweets?"

"Well, I like his cold face too, but I agree. We should bring sweets every day to see that cuteness!

It would appear my customers have already grasped my one weakness. Sweet things. Oh well, more for me.

Oh... Fujioka-san has returned. Kyoya-kun sent her out to get some groceries.

"Thanks for doing the shopping little piglet! Did you get everything on our list?"

Why is Tamaki calling her a piglet? Wasn't she a dog? 

"What? Piglet?"

Ah, it seems Fujioka-san is confused too.

"Hey, wait a minute, what is this?"

Its coffee Tamaki. Coffee. 

"Just what it looks like. Its coffee."

Thank you Fujioka-san.

"I've never seen this brand before. Is it the kind that´s already ground?" 

Since when have you been the expert in coffee? I´m the coffee guy, and it looks fine to me.

"What do you mean? It´s instant.¨

¨Instant?¨

Ah, it seems they've amassed a crowd.

¨Wow, I've heard of this before. It´s commoner´s coffee! You just add hot water.¨

¨I didn't know there was such a thing.¨

... Are you stupid? What a pain.

¨So it´s true then. Poor people don´t even have the time to grind their own coffee beans.¨

You don´t grind your own coffee beans either. A machine does that. Well, that or your servants.

¨Commoners are pretty smart.¨

Not you too Kyoya-kun.

"One hundred grams for three hundred yen?¨

¨That´s a lot less than what we usually pay.¨

Of course, that´s cause she got it from a supermarket, and didn't order it from some famous coffee place. Your rich-person idiocy isn't going to help you with commoner wisdom. Oh and now you've got me saying 'commoner', and as a former commoner myself, that's kinda annoying.

¨I´ll go back and get you something else. Excuse me for not buying you expensive coffee.¨

No it´s fine. You can keep it.

¨No, I´ll keep it. I´m going to give it try. I will drink this coffee!¨

Why are you acting like you've done something really impressive? And why is everyone else clapping? It´s just coffee.

¨Alright Haruhi, get over here and make some of this commoner´s coffee!¨

Make it yourself. Good grief.

'I hate these damn rich people'

Well thought Fujioka-san, well thought... Please don´t include me in that though.

Oh wow, that girl is really jealous. I wonder why? After all, Fujioka-san looks like a guy. Oh... unintentional rhyme.

¨Haruhi!¨

Wow Tamaki. Impatient much?

¨I´m coming.¨

Why is there a banner demonstrating 'A Commoner´s Display of Commoner´s Coffee'? It´s just instant coffee. Then again, they are a bunch of sheltered rich people.

¨Let the tasting begin!¨

Well, there´s Tamaki´s endless enthusiasm.

¨I´m afraid to drink this stuff.¨

¨I´m afraid if I drink this my father will yell at me.¨

What´s wrong with you all? It´s not poison.

¨What if I let you drink it from my mouth?¨

¨Then I´d drink it.¨

Now that´s just gross

¨This is ridiculous.¨

I fully agree, Fujioka-san.

...

¨Is that boy really a third-year student?¨

Yep. Hani-senpai is prodigious is acting like a child, plus he looks like one, so I could see why you´d make that mistake.

¨Hani-senpai may seem young and childish, but he´s a prodigy.¨

You wouldn't happen to be reading my mind, would you Kyoya-kun?

¨And the Mori-senpai´s allure comes from his strong silent disposition.¨

¨Haru-chan! Hey, Haru-chan, do you want to eat cake with me?¨

I do.

¨Thanks, but I don´t really like cake.¨

Heathen

¨Then how would you like to hold Usa-chan?¨

Why are you offering her your bunny?

¨I´m not into bunnies.¨

You´re not?

¨Are you saying you don´t like Usa-chan?¨

Is this the cute version of a guilt trip?

¨I guess he is kinda cute, huh?¨

Oh, so she fell for it.

¨Take good care of him okay?¨

Oh? Is that another light bulb? There´s nothing wrong with my eyes is there?

¨You´ll notice our club uses each host´s unique characteristics to appeal to the ladies. Just so you know, Tamaki´ number one around here, his request rate is 60%¨

¨What is this world coming to?¨

I have no clue.

¨In order to pay off your 8-million yen debt, you will act as the Ouran Host Club´s dog until you graduate... oh sorry, I meant errand boy...¨

Like hell you did.

¨Run away, if you want… But just so you know, my family employs a private police force of 100 men. By the way, do you have a passport?¨

I agree with the floating words, it would indeed be hard to stay in Japan. Kyoya-kun´s subtle threats are rather scary.

¨Your going to have to work to pay off that debt, my little nerd...¨

Since when was she yours? Also, showing up like that is just creepy.

¨Please don´t do that again.¨

You tell him Fujioka-san.

¨You need a makeover, otherwise no girl is going to look at you.¨

Why would she want girls to look at her? She´s a girl herself.

"Hey, Kiyoshi-kun, you've been staring over our shoulders for a while. Is there something interesting going on over there?"

Nope.

Oh, I must have missed something, Tamaki doesn't start ranting about his perfection without prompting.

¨Wait what?¨

Hmm, that´s a good reaction. He is pretty narcissistic isn't he? Well at least we´re on break waiting for the next round of customers, now I can watch the show in peace.

¨Why is there art in a museum? Yes…to show off beautiful things is the duty of those who were born beautiful…Therefore, I’m beautiful and found this club with those hungers, and I don’t skimp in my efforts to pursue that beauty…¨

I think I´m just going to have to tune him out. He´s annoying, and Fujioka-san´s thoughts are far more interesting.

´There´s a word to describe people like him...How to say this… Troublesome… Not that word… Pain in the neck? No... I wish I could remember it…´

How about Narcissistic? Annoying? Utter Pain?

¨Oh! I know!¨

Oh, what is it then? I´m quite curious.

¨Oh did I strike a chord?¨

Oh yeah, he was talking to Fujioka-san.

¨Obnoxious.¨

Oh that´s really good. Though if Tamaki could stop being depressed in the corner it would be nice.

¨Ah, um... I´m sorry Tamaki-senpai?¨

'But he is a pain in the neck.'

How nice of her to try to fix him, even though he annoys her. Then again she may just be trying to not rack up a larger debt.

¨HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Your a real hero alright.¨

Well Hikaru-san, that was honestly pretty rude.

¨Um I´m sorry senpai, oh um your lesson struck a small, small, chord in me?¨

She doesn't sound that sure.

¨Really! It did! Let me teach you more my friend!¨

´Well he got over that quick.´

That he does.

¨Boss.¨

Oh hey Kaoru-san.

¨Call me King!¨ 

He still hasn't gotten over that has he?

¨Now sir, you can teach him all the basics of hosting...¨

¨But he´s not going to get very far with the ladies if he doesn't look the part. He´s not really host club material... maybe if we took of his glasses?¨

Oh wow, is she that interesting? I mean, I don´t really care about people´s looks due to my powers messing it up for me, but...

¨Hikaru, Kaoru.¨

¨Got it.¨

Wait what does he mean? I can tell he has something planned by the glint in his eye but... Oh. Oh. Alright.

¨Kyoya, my hair stylist!¨

Why your hair stylist?

¨Mori-senpai, go to the eye doctor and get him some contact lenses.¨

Why tell Mori-senpai to go get them when he doesn't know her prescription? I suppose Kyoya-kun will do it.

¨What about me Tama-chan?¨

¨Hani-senpai...¨

¨Yes sir!¨

¨...Go have some cake.¨

¨It´s just us Usa-chan.¨

No it´s not.

¨Oh hi Kiyo-chan! Wanna eat cake with me?

Definitely. Cake is great.

¨Here, change into this uniform.¨

Oh so the twins went to get the uniform... 

¨What? But why?¨

Fujioka-san doesn't seem to up for it though.

¨Don´t ask questions!¨

¨No way!¨

Hmmm, which flavor of cake should I have next...

¨Change! Change! Change!¨

I already had a coffee one earlier, and I've already eaten one strawberry which was recommended by Hani-senpai, but should I have chocolate or another coffee... what a dilemma.

¨Fine I´ll change, but you two have to get out!¨

I mean, I haven´t eaten a chocolate one yet, but coffee is just so tasty... is that a pair of light bulbs now? Oh well... I think I should get another coffee. But Hani-senpai might eat the last of the chocolate slices by the time I finish the cake... Maybe I should get the chocolate?

¨Um Senpai...¨

Oh Fujioka-san´s already done changing?

¨Aren't you done changing yet?¨

No need to repeat me.

¨You really sure it´s okay for me to keep this uniform?¨

It´s fine... Even if it wasn´t our dad´s the chairman so we won´t get in trouble

¨Cute! You´re as pretty as a girl! Just adorable!¨

She is a girl though...

¨Haru-chan, you look so cute!¨

Is 'cute' the word of the day?

¨If we knew that´s how you really looked...¨

¨We would have helped you out sooner!¨

'Help' is a bit of a stretch though.

¨Who knows, maybe he´ll draw in some customers¨

This is what you were aiming for this whole time, isn't it?

"You know, that´s just what I was thinking!'

No it wasn't. One, I´m a psychic, Two, there´s a sign above your head calling "Bullcrap"

"The errand boy has graduated! Starting today, you are an official member of the Host Club!"

Graduated?

"I will train you to be a first rate host!"

Who would even want that?

"If you can get 100 customers to request you, we will forgive your 8-million yen debt."

Well that shouldn't be that hard... I get the feeling someone will do something to expand that though...

"A host?"

 

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Haruhi is also now open for business...

 

"Haruhi-kun, what kind of hobbies do you have?"

"Do you do anything for your skin?"

"It's terribly pretty."

'I-I can't do this...'

Fujioka-san seems really out of her element. I sympathize. I didn't like this at first, but that was before...

"Kiyoshi-kun, I have some specially imported coffee jelly, do you want it?"

Yes. Yes I do.

This is why. Though it's a pain, the sweets the girls give me more than make up for it.

Oh would you look at that. It seems in the time I've been distracted Fujioka-san's managed to figure it out. Though I was already aware of her dead mother.

"He's popular, right from the start."

"A real natural."

"No help needed."

It's not bad, though if it were an important life skill she was learning, I'm sure I'd be far more impressed.

"Tamaki-sama..."

Hmmm, it's that oddly jealous guest again. Then again Tamaki is ignoring her for Fujioka-san. Well, at least he apologized.

"You seem to be keeping an eye on that one quite a bit."

I agree. It's kinda creepy.

"That's because I'm raising him as if he were my own."

If that's the case I pity your future children.

"Haruhi! come here for a minute!"

I really do pity your future children.

"Yes?"

"Say hello, this is my usual guest, Ayanokoji-hime."

So that's her name. I've just been referring to her as petty jealous Tamaki-stalker. If the shoe fits after all.

'Oh, that girl from earlier.'

Fujioka-san seems to recognize her.

"It's pleasure to meet you."

And another sign appears. This one says "Just smile and continue". I get the feeling it's an accurate description of Fujioka-san's feelings right now... Are those sparkles?

"That was so cute Haruhi!"

And now my brother's spinning and hugging Fujioka-san obnoxiously. Though that word really does characterize Tamaki well. I wonder why I never thought of it. I really should use it more often.

"Mori-senpai! Help!"

Good choice. He's the only one capable of helping her that would actually help her... Seriously, where are those rose petals coming from? Oh look, another light  bulb lit up. Do they have some sort of meaning? Hmmm.

" Mori-senpai, you didn't need to go that far..."

 I beg to differ. 

"Come on, come back next to daddy's heart!"

Tamaki, you are slowly crossing over into "creepy" teritory. Besides, you aren't her dad.  That would make me an uncle, and I'm far too young for that.

"I don't need two fathers."

Hmmm, petty jealous Tamaki-stalker seems to be getting annoyed. Meh, Fujioka-san is resourceful, I'm sure she'll be fine.

~~~

"Huh? my bag is gone."

Petty jealous Tamaki-stalker seems to have thrown it in one of the fountains. It should be alright. Besides, since I like you, I'm more or less protecting your things.

"Aw man. I didn't think there would be bullying in this school."

Oh, it seems she's noticed her stuff. 

"But sure enough..."

Bullies are everywhere Fujioka-san. You might as well accept it now. 

~~~

Oh it seems Fujioka-san's figured out the culprit. It's pretty interesting that Tamaki went out to help her though... I don't think anyone's' ever told him he's "dripping with good looks" in my memory. It is like him to assume someone fell for him though. Him and Teruhashi-san are rather like each other in that aspect. Well, at least Fujioka-san rejected him. Hmmm? Tamaki's getting suspicious...

~~~

"Oh I see. That must be pretty terrible huh? Having your bag just fall into the pond all on it's own... I don't know what I would do if something like that happened to me..."

Oh come off it. It's pretty obvious it was you.

'Why would she request me? It's pretty obvious she hates me...'

Fujioka-san's aware of it too...

"Although, to make Tamaki-sama go through all that trouble to find your grimy bag in that dirty pond... You are aware he's a blue-blood not a commoner right? Tamaki-sama is only paying you any attention because your upbringing was so unusual.."

You are aware that her upbringing is far more normal than your's right? Oh... it seems Fujioka-san's grasped the reason for this...

"Don't go getting any ideas as to why he's doting on you..."

Aren't you the one getting ideas?

"So what you mean is..."

Oh? Confronting her already?

"Your jealous aren't you?"

Hit the nail on it's head Fujioka-san. Well the petty jealous Tamaki-stalker seems to be in shock...

*Crash*

"Kyaaa! Haruhi-kun just assaulted me!"

Okay, that's just ridiculously fake. If you want to frame someone, you should try a bit harder.

"Someone quick! Deal with this commoner!"

The way you say that makes it even more obvious you orchestrated this... Well at least the twins dumped some water on her too. 

"What are you doing?"

It seems she hasn't got the memo... It's pretty obvious she did it so there's no need to act confused.

"Tamaki-sama, Haruhi-kun assaulted me!"

Oh? Crying to Tamaki now?

"How disgraceful. Your the one who threw Haruhi's bag in the pond aren't you?"

It seems Tamaki was able to figure it out.

"How can you say that? Do you have any proof?"

Well, even if it wasn't caught on camera... I could probably make some.

"You really are quite pretty..."

You know Tamaki? You sound kinda evil. 

"Shame, you aren't fit to be our guest... I know this much... Haruhi isn't that kind of man."

She isn't a man at all.

"T-Tamaki-sama... You idiot!"

And she runs off with her tail between her legs.

"Hmm... I'm going to have to decide your punishment for causing this trouble."

Somehow I feel that this is mostly your fault.

"Your quota is now increased to 1000!"

And here it is.

"Here."

At least he helped her up.

"I'm expecting much from you, natural rookie."

That wink bothers me.

"This is the only spare uniform we have."

Kyoya-kun... your doing this on purpose aren't you? I know for a fact there are a few male uniforms in her size. 

"Thank you very much."

Being a girl, Fujioka-san naturally wouldn't have a problem wearing the girl's uniform.

~~~

"Haruhi, here. I brought you some towels."

...Well at least he knows she a girl now?

Oh... so that's what the light bulbs meant. Looking back on it, they only showed up when each member acknowledged Fujioka-san being a girl.

"Haruhi... your a girl?"

"Biologically, yes."

Well Tamaki seems to have taken the news awkwardly. His face is really funny though.

"Senpai, I don't mind if you think of me as a boy. I feel that awareness as being a boy or a girl isn't as important as one's worth as a person."

Well that's an interesting perspective.

"This is an interesting development."

You were already aware of it... Why do we have a sign over our heads stating that we "Knew it from the start" 

"It sure is." 

And they have a sign saying they "Figured it out along the way"

"Still, Senpai, you were kind of cool earlier."

Is she really saying that? She should be aware it could start a new rant... why are you blushing Tamaki?

"Perhaps this  could be the beginnings of love?"

Why are you looking over your shoulder? Who are you talking too? Breaking the forth wall is my thing.

"You know, maybe being a host, and getting fussed over by a bunch of girls might not be all that bad."

It's not too bad.

"I know! I'll just refer to myself with male pronouns!"

You seem pretty happy for coming up with such a simple solution. Oh well.

So now the Host Club has eight members... What a pain.


End file.
